It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like
By Brian Polk
Art by Arna Miller
Published Issue 143, November 2025
Unread Library Books, Unused Dental Floss, And A Pristine Yoga Mat Are All Reminders That The Me Of The Past Was Hopeful I Would Suddenly Become Someone Who Read A Book A Week, Flossed Regularly, And Did Yoga
Unfortunately, I have some bad news for past me. I feel like we all have a lot of faith in our future selves. It’s as though we acquire aspirational products in the belief that having things changes our identity. It’s like the time my friend bought an elliptical so he could cancel the gym membership he never used. He figured the reason he didn’t work out is because he couldn’t make it to the gym. In reality, he owed his lack of exercising to the fact that he’s just not the kind of person who likes to break a sweat. The proximity of gym equipment had nothing to do with this particular equation, because he used that elliptical exactly three times. So yeah, I should know by now that procuring things doesn’t change the fact that I am simply not someone who just needed a mat to become a yogi. Turns out, I should have worked on the part of my brain that never wants to do yoga.
Also, I Guess I’m Never Returning These Library Books
I’ve had the aforementioned unread library books for several months now — so long, in fact, that the library has sent me letters wondering just where the hell their books have gone to. Well, library, if you’re reading this, they are on my nightstand. Don’t worry though. I haven’t added any wear and tear to a single page. And I’m sure I will return them the next time I move — whenever that will be.
Thank Goodness The Free Cookies In The Break Room Aren’t Very Good
I must admit that when I’m confronted with free, delicious baked goods in the break room at work, my flesh is weak. I think to myself, Whoa, free tasty treats? In the breakroom? At work? No way! And even though I know they are void of any nutrition whatsoever, I shovel them into my face with the eagerness of a death row inmate eating his last meal. But today was different. The free cookies on offer left a lot to be desired as far as scrumptiousness was concerned. In fact, they were not the least bit scrumptious at all! As such, I wasn’t even tempted to finish eating the one that I started. So while I was momentarily disappointed that I didn’t get to enjoy a delectable indulgence, I was pretty stoked that I wouldn’t be experiencing the powerlessness that comes from such sugar-and-fat delivery systems that beckon people like me to consume them by the half-dozen. And I felt a tad bit healthier as a result.
How Did You So Effectively Maintain The Cleanliness Of Your Napkin?
Whoa! Look at how clean your napkin is! How did you do that? Mine is a used up mess that looks like an abstract expressionist painting, while yours is a blank canvas. I suppose I wipe off my hands after every bite in order to maintain palm-and-finger cleanliness throughout my dining experience, and you wait until the end to cleanse yours. Of course, your system is much more logical. And I wouldn’t mind adapting your customs regarding napkin use, but I fear my constant need to have clean hands may be a manifestation of my anxiety or something. Either way, I am definitely envious of your napkin preserving abilities. Could you do me a favor, and hand me a clean one? Mine has reached its absorption limit.
When Everything Falls Apart And The Value Systems You Ascribed To Your Life Melt Away, A Feeling Of Meaninglessness Can Seriously Threaten Your Identity, Exacerbating The Anchorlessness That Flourishes During These Periods Of Hardship
I know there’s nothing funny about this, but that shit does happen.
I Guess I’m Still Sad, Because I Just Cried After Seeing A Man Getting A Puppy For His Birthday
It’s been over a year and a half since my dog died, and I thought for sure I was more or less over it. But then I saw a reel on social media where this guy got a beagle puppy for his birthday, and I started crying. And this wasn’t a teardrop or two, mind you. I cried — as in, lots of tears and convulsions. And it lasted over two minutes. That’s when I realized I may never get over the fact that I lost my dog Herman. Sure, the pain isn’t as intense as it used to be, and the crying sessions are more infrequent and less severe. But, holy shit, I miss my dog. Also, my birthday is at the end of June, if anyone wants to start planning now.
Brian Polk is a Denver-based writer, author and drummer for Elegant Everyone and Joy Subtraction. He’s the author of Placement of Character and Turning Failure into Ideology. He likes writing, muck raking, yellow journalism, zines not blogs, cheap booze and punk rock.
Arna Miller is a Denver-based illustrator and screen-printer whose work drifts between vintage storybook nostalgia and modern mischief. Guided by her mantra “possible, but not likely,” she builds richly imagined scenes that feel both familiar and strange. Her prints blend humor, tenderness, and the quiet magic of everyday absurdity. Snag prints, originals and merch on her Website. Follow her on Instagram to see more of her work.
Check out Brian’s October install, Life Hacks For When Life Attacks, and Arna’s last Birdy piece, Dino’s Comet, or head to our Explore section to see more work by these talented creatives.