The Best Places To Break Up In Meow Wolf
By Quinn Fati
Published Issue 112, April 2023
The most ideal spaces to have The Talk in Omega Mart (Ω), Convergence Station (Δ), and House of Eternal Return (∞) from the most tender to the most dramatic.
Wow! A whole month has passed after yet another universally adored and totally-not-stressful capitalist holiday. In the event that you did not receive enough flowers, or you’ve realized this entire time that you’ve been dating a ghost, or that you and your partner have transformed into entities that neither of you recognize anymore and you realize that this is no longer someone you would like to be with, and that realization is happening inside one of our exhibitions, we have you covered.
Regardless of the whys, we are here to provide you with the wheres:
Where is the best place to break up with your partner at Meow Wolf?
Let’s start in the city that truly never sleeps. Like ever. As Meow Wolf, we always thought we were on one as far as maximalism goes. But then we went to Las Vegas and we did not even begin to comprehend the idea of “stuff to do constantly” or the word “overstimulated.” Our exhibition, Omega Mart is a little bit of both, with so much cool art and possibly the most surrealist grocery store in the whole nation. If you “accidentally” got hitched with your soon-to-be-ex by an Elvis impersonator and are now harboring second thoughts, here are the most ideal places to break it off:
Ω: The Burial Chamber of the Righteous Grand Believer
Located in the far back of the Projected Desert in Seven Monolith Village lies The Burial Chamber of the Righteous Grand Believer. The lore is that Thali, the daughter of the Zenion priestess, spent her final days there recording her esoteric knowledge. What you need to know is that it’s lit by RGB lighting and is fairly often overlooked by other participants, so not only can you break it off in peace, and something something mortality analogy, the hypnotic lighting makes it a breakup to remember!
Ω: Rock Climbing Tunnel
The rock climbing tunnel, located in the Projected Desert, is this really cool rope wall where you can climb up to the second floor and get a really cool view of the Projected Desert itself. It’s a smaller space, so it’s tough to crowd up. We would recommend beginning the conversation on the way to the rock climbing wall, breaking the news at the basin, and making a quick escape up the wall and into the exhibit.
Ω: Outdoor Re-Creation Tent in Outdoor Section
If you’re cruising the aisles of the grocery store and while rolling through the produce section, you realize, “This person is not the one to share my cart with but I don’t want them to think I am breaking up with them for unkind reasons, or to make this terribly sterile, but I also would like a quick getaway,” then we have the perfect spot! What you’ll want to do is get them situated inside the tent in the outdoor re-creation set-up. Sit them down, and tell them y’all need to talk. Tell them about how you still care about them but unfortunately you have both transitioned into different mental environments and you cannot see how you both fit together. From there, you can choose to hear them out or lean into your anxious attachment style and make a break for it, but either way there is a portal that leads into Projected Desert and you can quickly lose yourself in the exhibition. And hopefully find yourself in a different, more grounded way.
When you’re halfway through your trip to The Mile High City and you’ve hit all the breweries, seen all the galleries, and you’ve eaten all the incredible vegan food, and you’ve done the David Byrne show, and you find yourself presently in Convergence Station and you ask yourself, “Oh no, does this person have tastes beyond my comprehension that land on incompatibility? Do I have to have this tough conversation with them at this very moment?” Here are the most ideal places to have that conversation:
Δ: Womb Room
It’s a tough talk to have with anyone, and to have a sincere conversation with your soon-to-be ex in a space that is comforting and quiet, we would recommend the Womb Room. You can both sit down on the soft cushions and discuss how to divide up the furniture and the Beanie Baby collection, safely tucked away from the stimuli, gently held by this chill little room until you both feel okay enough to move on.
Δ: Less Frequented TRAMS (N-Line or E-Line)
Once you enter Convergence Station, you’re directed to take the C-Line into C-Street to enter the exhibition. But the C-Line is a one-way trip. However, the lobby also offers two-way service via the N-Line and E-Line, after which you can either break it off and make a hasty getaway through Convergence, or you can even dramatically uncouple in the tram car itself, and collect yourself back down in the gift shop where you can treat yourself to a cute plushie to hold and comfort you forever more!
Δ: Roof of Yawlp Boat
This suggestion is more for the post-breakup aftermath. If you want a good vantage point with lots of spots to tuck yourself away, look no further than the roof of the Yawlp Boat. It overlooks the Gremlin Symphony, where you can see if your ex is coming or going. The music is strikingly beautiful and serene, and if your ex does come up the spiral staircase in order to ask you to reconsider, you can absolutely hide behind the bar and make a break for it when the moment’s right.
And last but not least, the place where it all began (also in a city that is a mile high but you don’t hear them bragging about it) is located in The City Different, in Santa Fe! House of Eternal Return is our first-ever exhibition, where I started out as a docent. In my time there, I did witness the end of a fair few relationships, but I am not here to put them on blast. I’m just here to offer my advice as someone who knows the ins and outs of that exhibition quite intimately. From my several years working in that exhibition, here are my top and final three recommendations for where you should break it off once you have stuffed yourself full of green chile and inundated yourself with New Mexican landscape art painted by white dudes with weird hats:
∞: Laser Harp Room
My first two suggestions are entirely pragmatic. If you don’t want to draw too much attention to your big break but also would like enough people around that it doesn’t get too wild, the first place to do it would be in the Laser Harp. It’s dark and quiet and there are plenty of comfortable places to sit down and discuss why the relationship has failed. But if it gets too weird or uncomfortable, you can absolutely disappear into the fog that takes up the whole room and make a quick escape through one of the two exits leading into the labyrinthine exhibition.
∞: Secret Garden
For similar reasons, once you enter the exhibition and you are still committed to having a good time without your future ex, lead them into the Secret Garden, located beyond the storage cabinet under the stairs. There are plenty of places to sit (though less comfortable than in Laser Harp) and people tend to pass through it quite quickly, if at all. You’ll be afforded plenty of space surrounded by beautiful plants and a big canopy where you can hash out the details of how to break the news to your friends. There are also three exits once you want to explore the rest of the exhibit freshly single.
∞: Fancy Town
Now if there is one thing about me, I love drama. It’s an improbable notion (I’m a Libra) but I also devour franchises like The Real Housewives, that one show about that one family in Kalabasas, and Flavor of Love like it is chicken noodle soup and I am a sick, sick child. What I love more is watching something wild and dramatic unfold in real time, which is why I believe this suggestion is the best if you want to really make an impact in the annals of Meow Wolf history; break up in the venue, also known as Fancy Town. During the day, it is an open space where many people pass through coming from different installations. My recommendation would be to break it up loudly and dramatically on the venue floor itself, or, for that extra memorable touch, do it in the lighthouse where the view is slightly obscured but people will hear it happen and be searching for who could possibly be arguing like that in a public space. Burst into tears, gesticulate wildly, make a huge show of it, and once you’re done, you can disappear into one of the many hallways that lead out of the venue and into the rest of the exhibit. Just don’t get stuck in the ice machine together. There’s only one exit.